The Conversation

We all know it’s coming. It’s the “let’s talk about “us” conversation. It’s as certain as death and taxes and, from what people I know have gone through, sometimes just as painful. In order to ensure you get through the conversation, you have to consider when to have it, how to have it and what to do if things go bad. Let’s take a look at what’s involved in “the conversation.”
Timing is key. Although there are no set rules, I don’t care what you say, the first date is never the right time for a chat of this magnitude—and this even goes if your date has lasted three hot days and nights in a moderately-sleazy hotel room. You need time to get away and reflect because it’s very easy to get swept up in the passion of a new relationship. You can be there, in a fantastic moment where your head and heart are swimming with the idea of a life spent together in bliss, but tying your raft to a sinking ship will cool you down quicker than you heated up. You really need to gauge the other person.

Are they looking at you the way you are looking at them, or are they too busy looking at your chest or the size of your wallet? Another good idea is to make sure you get the big conversations out of the way, such as what you want out of your life. If you want to have children and they don’t, it might be better to call it a night. However, if you want four and they only want two, perhaps there’s some middle ground you can work on. If you want to move to Antarctica and they’re allergic to snow, that’s also a good time to wave the waiter over for the bill. Conversations like these can go on for hours or days, but you want to make sure you take the time to have them before you sit down for “the big one.”
“Relationships only work when both sides are seeking a common goal.”
The conversation should never begin with “I think we need to have a talk.” At best, it strikes fear into the hearts of even those who were hoping to have the same talk with you. At worst, it’s cliché. This can be a very special moment in a relationship. You want the great events to be memories worth having and not something that reminds you of a terrible movie. Some would have you believe that there’s easier ways to do it, such as by asking probing questions that will take the pressure off of you and place it on them. Relationships are for mature people and the conversation needs to be handled that way. You can start by asking them where they think the relationship is at, but it’s backhanded, looks like a game and could easily blow up in your face. The only thing you really can and should do is find the right moment in a conversation.

Start by telling them how you feel when you are together and then where you think you’d like to be going. With any luck, they’ll agree and all the good things you’ll have mentioned will surly make the moment magical. In case you don’t get the response you’re looking for, you might not want to do it in public . . . but I’m sure it will go just fine!
Unfortunately, fine isn’t always the case. Sometimes you and your friend just aren’t headed in the same direction. If you’ve just poured your heart out to them and they don’t respond the way you would have liked, you need to be prepared. You should first decide how you feel if they don’t feel the same way. If you’re looking for something casual and they were hoping for more, you need to consider if you can offer that to them. If not, be firm with your position, no matter what. You’ll sleep better knowing you’ve made the right decision. Relationships only work when both sides are seeking a common goal. If they aren’t, then there’s a lot of time being wasted and there’s nothing more precious in this world than that.
The other side of the coin is what to do if it someone drops “the conversation” on you. Since it’s difficult to prepare for something like this, the only thing you really can do is speak from your heart. If you speak the truth and don’t try and hide anything, it will come across in the best way you could ever hope. If you try and beat around the bush or flat out lie, odds are it will show in spades.
The conversation is just that: two people together discussing where they are in life and in love. It’s a necessary part of any growing relationship and you’ll have many of them over your time together. Just remember that these talks are vital to a great relationship and ensures you’re spending time with the right type of person for you.

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